My Humpty Dumpty Life

Quiet Despair can become a Quilt to Share

Have you ever felt like your life was in a state of disrepair? I have. At times I've felt like Humpty Dumpty who’s fallen off the wall. Not even king’s men can put me back together. I am irreparably broken in many ways.

This is why I was so glad to have been invited to attend a women’s retreat at a historic church in Medway recently. Many of the women brought treasured family quilts which were displayed around the sanctuary and hung from all the balconies. A booklet was made describing the various themes and motifs and telling the peculiar stories of each piece.

Following a hot breakfast buffet, Mary got up and introduced the event with a short devotional that instantly found its mark in my heart and brought tears to my eyes. She singled out the blue lines used by quilters to hold things in place while the work is in progress. They seem to go nowhere, she said. In fact, to the untrained eye they appear to be aimless stitches--and this is the part that touched me deeply.

Oh Lord, losing a loved one sure seems like a blue line! Being left without my husband surely seems like aimless stitches in the pattern of my life. I had been quietly wrestling with the senselessness and meaningless in my life, not understanding where these lines have been drawn. Tears warmed my face as I gave it all to Him again.

The speaker continued. The Quilter, as master craftsman, chooses not only the pattern, but every color, every shape, and he creates his own story. He knows exactly what he's doing.

And then it gets even more interesting. When the work is finished, these blue lines can come clean out with cold water! She used this to parallel God's cleansing forgiveness and spirit of restoration. He has the power to remove all the pain, to heal all wounds and cleanse every part of our lives.

Interestingly, she noted that hot water would have the adverse affect and set the stains. The Spirit within whispered that this is what hardness of heart does, if we remain unyielding and unrelenting. We can avail ourselves of his power or we can hold onto the past with unforgiveness or bitterness of spirit. The choice is ours. One thing is certain, those blue lines will wreck the final pattern of our lives if we let them.

Afterwards, an author named Lucinda McDowell also spoke around the appointed theme of quilting. As I sat in one of the back pews, I was deeply moved by this amazing metaphor. It suddenly struck me that this is exactly how I’ve been feeling about my own life, so greatly fragmented into so many small pieces. Like an impossible and unfinished quilt pattern, I should be boxed up into someone’s attic.

Like a scattered mix of rags, a pile of worthless bits and senseless pieces, I had been feeling like my own life is in such disarray. I've been asking the Lord to order my steps and direct my path. I have so many areas of need, such varied interests, so much unfinished business, and an emptiness that gnaws away in the quiet moments. Where is my life going now? What's the plan? I look ahead at the expanse of time and wonder if I will ever see my goals and dreams to completion. I look at the heaps of scraps and feel the weight of the work to be done pressing on my shoulders. Sometimes it all feels like such hopeless confusion.

Yet, when I turn to the Lord who made me and brought me this far, a sense of peace warms my soul. This too is beyond comprehension. In fact, Scripture calls it "a peace that passes understanding."

I may be too close to the miniscule stitching, my eyes may be dizzy with overlapping squares, but he readily sees the whole pattern. He alone knows the intricate details of all that He has designed for me, and he knows the full potential and the final outcome of all that he wants to do.

The speaker made great spiritual applications from the whole quilting process which the Spirit took and applied to me in the hushed congregation. This is what he pressed home to me.

The Lord my Master sees the potential in every piece, no matter how small, how ordinary, or how painful. He uses everything, including our failures, mistakes, our sorrows, and especially the things I don't understand. Lastly, God completes the pattern, though we may not see it as we like or when we want. We simply have to trust him.

I found it very interesting that the Amish quilters would intentionally ADD mistakes to their work as a reminder, in fact, that only God is perfect. That wouldn't be a problem in my life. There are plenty of reminders of human imperfection here! But that's when it hit me. In God's eyes, those are the very details that will showcase his victory in the end. As the beautiful old song declares, "If there be any praise it will go to Calvary."

Looking around the sanctuary at all the beautiful tapestries, I soaked up the encouragement to the depths of my soul. None of this is too hard for you, my God and maker. You see the whole quilt of my life and know every stitch of it has its time and purpose.

I don't have to worry about being put back together like broken eggshell fragments. What is impossible with men is quite simple to you. For you have taught us:

“My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.” Is 55:8-9

And so I can say by faith:

“I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.” Ps 139:14-16

“For you make me glad by your deeds, O LORD; I sing for joy at the works of your hands. How great are your works, O LORD, how profound your thoughts! The senseless man does not know, fools do not understand… But you, O LORD, are exalted forever.” Ps 92:4-8

“Great are the works of the LORD; they are pondered by all who delight in them. Glorious and majestic are his deeds, and his righteousness endures forever.”
Ps 111:2-3

Lead me into this New Year, Heavenly Father. Draw the lines where you please and fit these pieces together according to your perfect design. Lead me by your love because I trust your wisdom. Amen.