FEAR FACTOR versus RUBY SLIPPERS

I woke up recently in a state of panic. I was wondering how long I could hold my breath.

It was a very strange dream. I was watching a boy holding onto a rope underwater, with weights on his feet in a deep pool, like one of those fear factor reality shows that I detest. He was running out of air and needed to come up badly but the weights on his feet were dragging him down. It sure looked like an impossible situation. I was sitting alone, outside the glass tank.

I always change the channel if something like that comes on, but my only option in the dream was to wake up and try to shake it off. So I just lay there for awhile and started praying.

Sometime later, I was scouting around on the web and stumbled across an interesting site on the meanings of dreams. Hmmm. That triggered the vision of that awful night, so I typed in some key words and read this under the section on common nightmares…

To see someone drowning in your dream, suggests that you are becoming too deeply involved in something that is beyond your control. Alternatively, it represents a sense of loss in your own identity. You are unable to differentiate who you are anymore.

Suddenly, I wondered if that’s why I had the dream in the first place! Was it about the conflicts I've been facing over my property? relationships? work? or my seeming inability to write and do ministry fulltime the way I want? There are a number of frustrating questions in my life right now, and situations I can't change. I'm literally fighting town hall and yes, I suppose I feel sorta helpless, like I'm being weighted down.

Sure makes you think. Especially the part about identity and being unable to understand who you are anymore. Now that one makes a lot of sense. For months I've been trying to explain to friends how I feel like a one-legged freak who doesn't know how to stand anymore.

How exactly are you supposed to learn how to live as a widow? How do you revert to being single after so many years? I don't think the same. All my habits and patterns and my whole framework of functioning is accustomed to a dual process. The void is palpable in my mind. Where do you check yourself in for social rehab?

It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to see that I’m feeling helpless, imbalanced, and handicapped in some ways. But that dream emphasized an interesting perspective. Notice that I wasn't the one drowning. Rather, I was the spectator! Maybe that's the writer in me. I'm an observer in my own life. It's as though I'm waiting to see what God will do. Somewhere in there, I still feel safe.

Maybe that's the ultimate in mental release. I was watching through that plate of glass, safely seated on some sort of bleachers. In many ways, I would be unaffected by the outcome of that poor boy, and yet I was involved, and awoke in a nervous sweat to discover it was all just the workings of my mind. And just as easily as the "show" was created and observed through glass, it was halted. All I had to do was open my eyes!

The other night I caught the end of the Wizard of Oz. After all her efforts to find her way back to Kansas, even after killing a wicked witch and risking life and limb, the Good Linda appeared and said that she had the ability all along. She could go home whenever she wished.

"Why didn't you tell her?" the friends demanded to know.

"She had to learn it for herself," she said kindly.

I've always loved the Wizard of Oz, but on this particular night I was taken by that simple lesson. There are some things that we struggle to find, expend great effort and energy trying, and then come to the end of ourselves and realize, poof! It was right there all along.

The power, the promise, the way home, right at our fingertips, or maybe in our ruby slippers.


Dear Lord, maybe one of these days, I'll wake up to find that my reality has changed. The drama and dangers of fear factor victims will be replaced by powerful resources.

Open my eyes to behold your truth. Grant that I realize the inherent power and blessing you've given, rather than dwelling on flying monkeys and black forests. Give me peace amidst apple trees that smack you or the green-faced witches that try to snatch away your puppy.

Guide me on this yellow brick road to the place that I learn what you want me to learn.

Bring me home, dear Lord.

There's no place like home!

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"His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises so that through them you may participate in the divine nature and escape the corruption in the world..." 2 Peter 1:3-4

Prison Life

My grandson’s best buddy from Little Lambs is another very colorful and imaginative little boy. It’s no wonder the two of them are self-proclaimed “best friends for life.”

Last night I heard his parents telling what happened in the rain the other day. They’d had just about enough of the stalling tactics and it was time to put their foot down. "Put your coat on and march STRAIGHT to the car," they demanded. Joel surveyed the situation and said with a huff, “Raining... Marching… I may as well be in PRISON!”

Where would a four-year-old get such an idea? The dad was just shaking his head and shrugging his shoulders. His mom remembered having read the Bible story about Paul being in prison and wondered if he just filled in the blanks with an active imagination. Who really knows? The mind of a child is full of surprising things. One thing is certain, no matter how winsome and adorable, every child eventually tries to test the limits.

It’s so cute because we big 'smart people' know that his life is far from the harsh realities of prison life. We smile because he thinks he’s got it bad being made to do something he doesn’t want to do.

But how often do I look at life and do the same thing? Like Joel, I might make radical judments based on a few random observations. I might glance at my circumstances, select a pair of simple problems or events, and then calculate by the same ridiculous formula, saying, one plus one equals prison! I’m not always adding right, because I'm not always seeing right. My vision is skewed and biased. My eyes are weak and self-centered. God, help me to see clearly and to make right deductions.

Jesus, do you laugh and smile at my short-sightedness, or does it make you mad? Do you feel like putting your foot down with me too, Lord? Help me to grow up and to grow wise in the ways that make you proud. Meanwhile, thank you for your incredible patience!

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Consider it pure joy when you face trials because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.
James 1:2-3

In everything give thanks for this is the will of God in Christ concerning you.
I Thes 5:18

Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith who... endured the cross... so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.
Heb 12:2-3

Is the problem really solved? Or, Pumpkin Heads Part 2

For anyone who was worried about my recent posting on the plastic pumpkin story, Pumpkin Heads and Silly Putty Comics, here’s a national update from the front page headlines on one of the most popular hits of the day about this true deer incident.

Yes, dear friends, wonder of wonders, he freed himself! All the rain in recent days not only slacked his thirst but apparently helped him out of his predicament. Evidence was reported with glee when some children found the empty pumpkin head on someone's property there in Cascade Township, in Michigan.

So there you have it. In my best Andy Rooney impersonation, I’m telling you, there's one less thing to worry about, one problem solved, here in the USA.

P.S. Deer season will be opening on time later in the week.

I’m asking myself about the comparisons to real life. Am I content to settle for temporal comforts and short-lived solutions when I know I’m going to die?

I'll restate the big silly putty question from my earlier posting on plastic pumpkins: The real question becomes not how do I deal with the temporal veneer before my eyes, but how will I deal when the bullets start flying? I need a survival strategy, not a facelift! Yet, in all our emotional knee-jerk reactions, the real issues are quickly warped. This is a cry for reason.

There is a link on this site to some video footage that will most assuredly put Rudolph right out of business. http://c.moreover.com/click/here.pl?x703495017 It is pitiful to watch, stirring, and maddening all at once. This delicate and free creature is captive to his own mistake.

While I was watching it, I couldn't help but ask myself if there is any resemblance to my own ridiculous life. To all the foolish decisions, silly distractions, and ridiculous situations that divert me from dealing with the eternal.

God, help us to get free of the things that bind us, and to get serious about the real issues of life! Teach me to live in such a way that I don't settle for the immediate or look for temporary solutions, but focus on the lasting and eternal realities. This is a cry for wisdom.

THE REAL PICTURE

11-12-06

Over a beautiful salmon dinner at my daughter’s house Friday night, Naomi whispered into her son’s ear and he scurried into the bedroom to find a surprise for Nana. To my delight, he reappeared with a picture frame and in it, the smiling so grown-up-looking face of his school picture.

Wow. How does that happen? His hair is long and the curls seemed piled up on top of his head. His hands are folded on his lap and the red and white striped shirt and white collar look so crisp. He’s sitting so tall in the white cane chair and his smile looks so much older than I’ve seen.

Oh my goodness, he looks about six years old already, but he’s just turned four, I exclaimed. Seeing that picture made me realize that time is leaping into the future and this little boy seems half grown already.

Well, something about the way I was carrying on must have seemed ridiculous to him.

With both hands tapping his own chest he said, “Nana, this is the REAL Judah.” And then pointing at the picture frame as though he were teaching a class, he said dramatically, “That’s the fake Judah. See? This one has his mouth open. This one is moving. That one can’t.” And then his expression looked so puzzled and amazed, as though he were waiting for the light bulb to go on in my head. Don’t you get it?

His theatrical voice and cute expressions just made it funnier. I guess what he was trying to ask was, why get so excited about a frozen picture of me when the REAL ME is standing right here? Was he jealous?

I wonder if the Lord feels that way about how we treat him sometimes. We make a fuss over some memory of something he’s done years before and we ignore or miss out on the REAL LIVING JESUS of today! Maybe we settle for a lifeless picture from the past and don’t even recognize his presence or know his voice or understand his moving lips at all? What portrait do I see?

Wouldn’t Jesus want to put his hands on his hips and correct us too? THIS is the real me. See my mouth is open? Do you hear my words? See me moving here in this situation? See me at work in your life? Hey kids, don’t be consumed with fake images. Don’t miss the real picture.

God is alive and yet we treat him like a lifeless thing.

Don’t insult the living God.

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Thou shalt have no other gods before me. Thou shalt have no graven images. I AM the Lord your God. I am a jealous God. - Exodus 20

PUMPKIN HEADS AND SILLY PUTTY COMICS

I opened MSN.com the other day and was immediately arrested by the following headline:

“Wild deer gets plastic pumpkin stuck on snout! A plastic jack-o'-lantern meant for collecting Halloween candy is threatening the life of a small deer...” http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/15649788/from/ET/

Okay, now tell me why everyone is going to get worked up about this poor animal's trouble, only to free it in time for deer season? They are literally going to worry about that plastic pumpkin, track it down to remove it so the poor deer can have a drink and then turn it loose to become a legal target! Their momentary mercy will only allow it to see better when the hunters start blasting on opening day, right?

Sometimes I just can't stop shaking my head at the way things go. We can't make up our minds between the compassion we wish we had and the harsh realities. Doesn't it seem ridiculous to use tranquilizers just to free its head and then use live ammo to kill it?

I'm not against hunting, nor against eating meat, but I'm rebelling against the craziness of it all. Why does life seem to blur all the lines of reason? Why is it that we run around in circles trying to do something to help and completely miss the point?

This image really struck me. Maybe it's because it is such a pitiful picture of the truth. We should be figuring out how to be saved instead of how to deal with plastic absurdities. Maybe it makes me mad because I feel like that too. So much of life is preoccupied with pumpkins and yet there is a hunter’s rifle awaiting us. Life is so short! There are so many vital issues to consider, but we too easily miss the big picture and end up straddling fences, or losing our way completely. Meanwhile, life hangs in the balance.

The real question becomes not how do I deal with the temporal veneer before my eyes, but how will I deal when the bullets start flying? I need a real survival strategy, not a facelift! Yet, in all our emotional knee-jerk reactions, the real issues are quickly warped. This is a cry for reason.

Don't even get me started on abortion and the three seconds difference we've set between freedom of choice and heinous murder, sucking the brains out of half-born infants so that they can be dismissed from this earth without a voice. It’s wrong, so terribly wrong, and yet it’s the women, the very mothers of this generation, who champion the cause in the name of “freedom” with fervor.

We need clarity and common sense. We need conviction and clear direction on a daily basis. Instead, I have confusion and blurred lines. I have opposition and inner conflict. The things I want to do I don’t seem to get to. The things I don’t want seem to overtake my life and fill my calendar. That's it. I'm that stupid deer and I feel doomed. I’m stuck in many ways.

Life is too full of predicaments. Weird, almost comical, how stuff happens and gets twisted. Things get distorted, blown out of proportion. Like silly putty comics that get stretched beyond recognition. That's been my life lately.

And when facing various troubles I get lonely. It makes me miss Frank all the more. This is a cry for understanding.

There. I just spewed out all my frustrations and it cuts right to the heart of me. As I wrote Frank's name I started crying again. It's hard enough to go through misunderstandings and conflict, but to have to stand up in meetings and public hearings and sort it all out on my own has made it feel so much harder.

I know the Lord knows it all and has promised to be my husband. It just feels so much lonelier now. Come on, who doesn't need a hug at the end of a hard day? I miss hearing Frank’s reassuring words. "It'll be alright honey." You know, all the little things that people do to support each other when the going gets tough. I need his corrective lenses to look at life. I need the balance of his reasonable thoughts. I need his steadiness when life seems to be rocking and rolling. Gosh, he was so steady. I’m an emotional basket case.

I miss him for so many things. So many little, everyday, huge and meaningful things! I miss snuggling on the couch and talking about the day. I miss cooking supper for someone and planning surprises. You know, lifting the lid of the pan and saying "tada!" You don't do that for yourself. I miss lying in bed on rainy mornings and saying, "Let's go get coffee!" I miss saying, "Where do you think we'll be in five years?" or "Remember the time we..."

There's no more "we".

No more "let's" anything.

He was truly my best friend and I miss him more than ever when I feel stuck and the lines are blurred.

Dear Lord, this is my cry. Be my God and my reassuring husband. Be my best friend when life presents its pumpkin head predicaments and silly putty problems. Show me that there is still a 'we' and a 'let's' in my life.

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Jesus said, "I will not leave you as orphans... on that day you will realize that I am in my Father and you are in me, and I am in you... Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you... Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid... I am coming back..." John 14

"If anyone acknowledges that Jesus is the Son of God, God lives in him and he in God, and so we know and rely on the love God has for us." I John 4: 15-16